Why Did I stop My meds?
Despite major positive changes I observed in my life since I was diagnosed with ADHD, it was not long before other challenges emerged.
Meds are part of the treatment plan, but my relationship with my doctor was shallow, brief, and expensive.
Sometimes I would wonder if my doctor thinks I need those visits or if we are only having them so I can keep paying.
The visits were short and questions were repeated, I was supposed to decide for myself if I needed to increase the dosage, change the medicine, or the status quo.
I tried to get documentation support to request accommodation from my work and my doctor was reluctant to be supportive, it was almost like the doctor was afraid of getting in trouble for providing the document for the accommodation needed for the same thing I’m being prescribed medicine for! (I didn’t know that corporate America was more powerful than the freakin DEA)
I became convinced that I was getting fake treatment to keep the money flowing, whether the diagnosis was accurate enough or the treatment was working, that didn’t matter.
Disclosing the matter
When I found out about my ADHD (as an adult) I was very excited, suddenly everything throughout my childhood and college years made sense.
I started disclosing it to friends, colleagues, and family, and I was like “Hey, Did you know I’m not lazy and awful? Turns out I just had an undiagnosed disability!”
Well, I probably overdone it and I became predictable, people were getting tired of me saying “Yeah, and this treat I have, turns out to be because of my ADHD”.
I tried to educate people around me and ask for the simple accommodations that can make my life better (i.g. Fewer interruptions, flexibility for planning, tolerance to my distractability when I’m unmedicated for whatever reason)
I was excited about the small changes I observed around me, but I was very quick to get tired and deeply hurt by the inconclusive comments, looks, or reactions.
Some people would even reject my offer to be educated on the matter, that includes most of my co-workers and managers who I think should’ve been the most curious.
It took me some courage fueled by excitement to ask for accommodations and recognition, but rejection felt a lot worse than my ADHD symptoms.
I’m out, until further notice
I have no reason to trust the system that is fueled by profit to have my wellness as a priority.
I also have no reason to think that neurotypical people will understand.
I’m out, I will no longer take meds prescribed to me by doctors in this country, and I will no longer have faith in neurotypicals to be allies.
I will probably suffer again like I used to suffer before, but I would take that over knowing that I asked for help and I didn’t get any.
I will keep on learning, reading, and discoursing with others who can relate.
Maybe not as efficient as professional help, but for now this will do.